My chainses feel just fine. Actually, wait - no, they suck!
For an entire menagerie of bizarre, see the flickr group.
And to get rid of that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach, go here. (Hipster Schnug)
Yes, you can pretty much bet that my first few posts for National Blog Posting Month are all going to be about voting…and voting “right” – and by that, of course I mean for Barack Obama.
Mom, I’m looking at you. 
I kid, I kid. You know I love you, mom, but, if you promise to vote for Obama, I’ll promise to make you some grandkids. You want, grandkids, right? No seriously – how can I bribe you?
I’m still kidding. Sorta.
Okay, I know it’s late, but I just have to get this out there before anyone beats me to the the punch – shwoo, okay – so, my porn name….are you ready? … Sarah Impalin! Ha! Get it?
Eh hem. Okay, nevermind. No, seriously -it’s good, right?
*First – can someone please make Sarah Palin stop staring directly into the camera? I don’t know who told her to do that, but it’s horrible and it’s scaring the living shit out of me.
*Neither Joe Biden nor Sarah Palin were made for High-Definition television.
*Whoever this “Rollins” guy is live-rating the debate on CNN is totally blowing his balls over S.P. “+9″….really, Rollins? Just because.
*Sarah, stop staring at the camera, please. Your hipno-toad eyes are hurting me.
*Holy shit – it’s 2 minutes later and Rollins is at +11 for Palin. I think someone’s got a crush.
*”NucU-lar weaponry”
*I like how S.P. keeps repeating the same three “Axis of Evil” leaders, because they’re the only three foreign leaders she knows about…and let’s face it, she probably just got their names crammed in her brain by Wolfram & Hart.
*Biden – “Facts matter.” – Thank you, Joe.
*Words to be removed from S.P.’s vocabulary: “also,” “there,” “Washington outsider,”
*Biden talks about Darfur and “We should rally the world to act.”
*S.P. – “Oh golly gee – see, gosh I’m just such a Washington outsider blah blah blah”
*Sarah, STOP LOOKING AT ME!
*Back to the CNN Analyst Scordcards – Rollins is out of his fucking mind…. “+37!” She isn’t drooling and she hasn’t lifted her skirt and taken a crap on the podium, but I don’t really see that as a huge triumph.
*DING! DING! DING! “Whatta ‘ya expect, we’re a team of mavericks!” and with that I just won Palin Bingo!!
*Did she really just promise “extra credit” to elementary school children for watching the debate? Did that just happen?
*Ok, I had to look this Rollins guy up because he just strained his scrotum giving S.P. another 6 points! Frickin’ “+43″… it’s Ed Rollins, Republican strategist. Great – now we can all imagine this goob choking his chicken to that photoshopped pic of S.P. in a bikini.
*J.B. just made me throw my hands up and cheer talking about his family.
*Say “maverick” again, lady. Seriously. GAH!
*Woo hoo. J.B. just is coming out of the box on the “maverick” bull crap! “So, maverick he is not on the important, critical issues that affect people…” Fucking sweet!!! It’s about damn time, someone said this. I think I’m in love. Now you get to imagine me choking my chicken to file footage of J.B. during the primary debates in 1988.
*S.P. can you please, please, I beg of you, please stop saying cliches to me. “Walk the walk” – “and also” Fuck you. Did you really just say that the media “filtered” you? Is that you you implied?
*S.P. “We have to fight for our freedoms.” Siiighhhh.
GAh! Turn her mic off!
“PRECIATE THAT!!!!” Gah! Turn if off.
I have to say that was an infinitely better debate than the one between Obama and McCain….thanks, but NO THANKS to my friend S.P.
God bless John Stewart, but can I just ask a question here?
Why is he the only one willing to skewer these rag-a-tronic bull crap machines? And with their own words, no less.
Will you please be my president?
I am a romantic and as such it is my way to hold onto the past, hope for reversals of fortune and hang onto the idea that all wrongs will be righted in the end. It’s sometimes a sad, annoying way to live, I must admit and it’s never come in handy in relationships or in my literal heartbreak over the cancellation of beloved t.v. shows, but here – right now, in politics we have a chance.
It’s a sappy wish and a fallible one. It’s not as if Al Gore could turn the oval office into a time machine and fix everything that’s been so radically fucked over the past 6 years. (Though, that would be wicked cool). At the very least though, we would once again have a president who inspired loyalty, confidence and hope. A president who could complete whole sentences and talk for hours about the history of the printing press.
It’s late and don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Hillary and Obama – I want them to succeed, but my penchant for the dramatic compels me to hope for poetic justice.
Read a excerpt from Al Gore’s new book, The Assault on Reason.
