Lady Trolls

urlOkay, so I just have to rant for a second. There is a breed of internet troll so insidious, so repugnant I hesitate to even type their name. They lurk on beauty blogs and the Facebook pages of make-up companies just waiting to pounce on every. fucking. comment. They act as pseudo-company attack dogs if you’re critical. They scold you if you place a customer service query and they answer every question as if they are the blog moderator or company spokesperson themselves. They are the Gladys Kravitzes of the internets. They are the Lady Troll. They must be stopped.

Tonight my mom texted me to let me know she still hadn’t received her birthday present that I ordered almost 2 weeks ago, so I checked my order/ shipping confirmation email where it states,

For your convenience we offer customer support as well as sneak peeks, contests, and giveaways on Facebook.

I don’t normally go this route, but that’s what their email said, so I blobbed onto to Facebook and plunked out all of the necessary info.

Within MINUTES I had two responses. Not from anyone at the company…no. From two Lady Trolls who took it upon themselves to crusade against my faux pas in daring to posit a customer service question via Facebook.

Hobag McPooterTooter: It’s really BEST to call or email them concerning customer service questions. They really don’t answer those kinds of questions here, so… good luck.

This amazing comment received 2 “likes” from what I like to call “Follower Trolls.”

So, I say, yeah… I don’t normally, but their email, and the stuff and the blah.


Fartbag Von Hoenstein: They DO NOT answer customer services questions here. You really NEED TO CALL them or EMAIL. I do not think this is the best place to bring a customer service question.


If this type of exchange were a one time thing, I could probably just shrug it off and live, but it happens all the time. You can’t say anything anywhere without some busy-body running across the figurative street to let you know they don’t approve.

Listen ladies, if I wanted to know what you thought of my mom’s package not arriving on time… I would have asked you, but since I didn’t ask you, kindly go fuck yourselves.

I typed that actually in response, but then I deleted it because I am not a Lady Troll.

I’m just a witch trying to do her magic in the privacy of her own home without everybody up in her business.

*Update: I went back to the company’s FB and noted that Hobag and Fartbag had indeed posted similarly fashioned responses on literally every comment on the page.

Nice lady: Lol. Chill. I was just asking a question.

Fartbag: I have a right to be annoyed when people are saying possibly bad things about my favorite company.

Lady Troll.



  • Angie

    Know-it-all trolls are the worst, dude. I feel like I’m even surrounded by them at work. They can eat my farts. However, that picture of Gladys is really bringing me a lot of joy right now. I kind of want to put it in a locket.

  • lateshoes

    Isn’t she just?