Blast from the past – “Tit Offensive” – Oct 30, 2008

Now, I don’t – okay I do want to come off like some kind of tit activist, but, I just found out (24 years after the fact) that Janeane Garofalo had breast reduction surgery.

I was a 36C or D, and at 5′ 1″, I knew that being a small person with big boobs standing in front of an audience was not going to be easy. It would be really hard to get people to pay attention to me without mocking me. Getting a breast reduction to prepare for my career was no different from people who work to get good grades to get into a good college to get into a good graduate school to get a good job. I went down to a B cup, and it was the best thing in the whole world.

I’ve always loved Janeane, but I’m kind of disappointed with this (old) news and not just because she chopped off her knockers to make standing in front of an audience easier – but, because she had an opportunity and she missed it.

How much stronger would her career and message have been if she did all she’s done and said all she’s said, while rocking 36Ds?

Having fully realized bazooms is a mindfuck for most of us – there’s the objectification, the shame, the fear of jogging/jiggling, the never being able to find button-down shirts or coats that fit. It sucks. If you don’t want to take my word for it, google the phrase “positive things about big boobs” and you’ll find nothing but self-loathing chicks with sweet racks, desperately wanting to get breast-reduction surgery – followed by pages of ladies with small breasts wanting large breasts, so the cycle of female self-hatred continues.

Imagine a world where dudes with huge dicks went around lamenting them and hacking them up to fit societal norms. You can’t – because it’s fucking crazy and so is this.

How did we let this happen? How did we let our society make us hate ourselves so much that even the strong and the funny among us have given into the pressure?

Frankly, it pisses me off and makes me sad. You can be smart and have big tits. You can be funny and have big tits. You can be powerful and have big tits. You don’t have hide or shrink or for fuck-sake, mutilate yourself in order to be taken seriously.

Will people mock you? Probably. Will dudes perv over you? Definitely. But, women have to stop changing themselves and start changing society.