Lateshoes

These are mega low-resolution, so please forgive the crunchy looking text.

My chainses feel just fine. Actually, wait - no, they suck!

For an entire menagerie of bizarre, see the flickr group.

And to get rid of that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach, go here. (Hipster Schnug)

UPDATE: And holy, mother of god – wow. I can’t wait. I haven’t genuinely liked The Hill in quite a while, but as I have watched every episode, nothing will stop me from watching this new season either bored out of my mind or with my chin glued to the floor. (Much like Heidi’s).

The Hills‘ Final Season: “Nothing Stays The Same Forever”

and for some perspective, here’s the full trailer with what the show used to be like.

I’m so over TEA-bagger rhetoric, I can barely take another second, but their usage of metaphorical rape to cry about not getting their way is beyond offensive and needs to be talked about. In fact, with this particular cartoon – there’s so much wrong (both racist and sexist), it’s hard to know where to begin the conversation. I think it will begin with me taking a bath to clean off the 10 tons of ick I feel after knowing someone spent time on MS Paint creating this thing.

Right-wing cartoon depicts Obama raping the Statue of Liberty

And in other nightmare inducing news:

Happy Meal, Indeed: A Stomach-Turning Vintage Porn Ad!

A Black Hole Nearly Swallowed the Earth at 3am EDT Today

2.5-foot Sea Bug Is Scariest Thing on Reddit Since Peaches Geldof Pics

Jamie Oliver Confirms American Children are Doomed to be Fat and Gross

Heaven bless the Daily Show for making me laugh about all these threats of violence. My favorite moment, “Bring it on. Let’s fucking do this. I’m kind of sick of their shit. We have guns too.” Awesome. And Aasif Mandvi just rules.

The Daily Show Returns, Tackles Health Care Reform Fallout

And one more cool thing to cleanse our brains of plastic surgery, chicken Mushnuggets and butt rape.

Beth in Show

Not that you asked, but last week Lars and I finally watched 500 Days of Summer. Let me say right off the bat that I really wanted to like this movie. I avoided watching it over the summer, afraid that my distance from the L. Med would make bittersweet romance too painful, too painfully sweet. I think that Zooey Doucheysnail is right pretty and dresses super cute. I even like her music okay. Her voice isn’t great, but is sweet and inoffensive. As an actress though. I just can’t…. I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes – I wanted to like it. I really did and before I go any further I should also mention that I ultimately disliked it so much that I didn’t even finish it. So, really – my opinion is shite and completely useless, but here it is none the less – I think it can be summed up very quickly, thus:

To dig a bit deeper -

1. What in the fuck is so crazy about someone liking The Smiths? Maybe it’s because I’m old, but that’s what bugged me. I’m the same age as the ass-face who wrote this move (and the Pink Panther 2 by the by)… so, really – he was writing this movie to be set in the 90′s. So, bloody set it in the 90′s and stop bugging me by referencing my youth through the mouths of beautiful, little “net gen” hipsters. Bleh.

2. From the first frame of the movie we’re told right off – the girl is a bitch. But, she’s not a bitch – vaguely retarded seeming, but definitely not a bitch. She just doesn’t love the guy and she never lies, she’s open with cutie-pie Levitt from the very beginning. This is more than I can say for any number of booty-calling boys that broke my heart, so it’s really hard for me to give a care about this guy’s over-poetic sadness at having been dumped. Poor you, cute boy.

3. The tone of the movie is so beyond bizarre. I couldn’t quite get my head around it. It wanted to be Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or High Fidelity (both movies I absolutely LOVE) – but it fails at the whimsy and the funny and the pathos and the…. everything to which it aspires. You never know if you’re supposed to be laughing or crying or confused or what. I think this is because it’s hard to feel romantic and whimsical after being told that the object of desire is a “bitch” from the first line in the movie. I think I just kept waiting to be sold on that or something. No idea.

I’d probably have more to flap on about if I got further than minute 45, but…. yeah.

See the promise die before your eyes.

P.S. I’m well aware that everyone else in the entire world loved this movie, but they and YOU are wrong. It sucked. It sucked big, drooping, pretentious, hipster balls.

Amid the vastly overblown and largely fake controversy over Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video – a sweet, little gem of a cover has emerged.

I have a bit to share, but my brain can’t handle looking at a computer screen tonight. Lars is loading Buffy (season 5, disc 6!! We are just zooming through this rewatch-a-thon) into his Macbook as I type, but – things to look forward to:
1. My review of the first 45 minutes of 500 Days of Summer. I’ll give you a hint; 45 minutes was enough.
2. My upcoming trips to Chicago and Ft. Worth. Work-related, but still.
3. How I’m pretty much wimping out of the whole blonde thing, but we’ll see.
4. A mega mix of awesome entitled, “500 Days of Summer made me want to commit mass murder, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt is still pretty cute” It’s a sort of rom-com meets 1990′s hipster meets Tarantino meets a dance party in a library type of vibe.

What the “Telephone” Video has to do with Women in Congress

Hate Mail of the Week: “We Won”

Comment of the Day: Inside Glenn Beck’s Brain

“I Went With The Flow:” Rielle Hunter Repulsed By GQ Photo Shoot

“Wow, We’re All Going To Hell”: Rielle And The Stages Of Grief

I have to say that I find the whole John Edwards sex scandal car-wreck-tacular. I’ve never liked him, largely because he seemed like a gigantic, shit-grinned, phony-faced a-hole….which, I rest my case… but, this stuff is just… it’s stuff I can never un-know and now I want you to not be able to un-know it with me. Pure trash. I worked from home today, what do you want from me?

Gisele’s Vogue Cover Story Defies Comment

Breaking: Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes Split

Sad. She should come over and watch some Criminal Intent.

Pretty Wild Follows “Bling Ring” Suspects

I watched this last night and I don’t even know what to say. Apparently there are no limits to bad parenting.  ”I do what I want!” (make sure you watch the Cartman clip in the comments).

1. What is your middle name? Michelle

2. What is your nickname? Lars calls me “Bunny” and “Bug” other than that, Tray, Trace and occasionally Fred (by my mom).

3. When you were a kid, what did you want to grow up to be? The Go-Gos

4. Name one thing you’re really good at. Guessing upcoming plot-lines on tv shows

5. If you had one superpower, what would it be? Invisibility. No question.

6. What’s the last book you read all the way through? Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich

7. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater? Shutter Island

8. Name one song you think everybody should listen to. “King Of Carrot Flowers Part 1″ – Neutral Milk Hotel or maybe also “Together in Electric Dreams” by the Human League.

9. Name one guilty pleasure. Lady Gaga. Though I’m getting less guilty about it. I’ve gotten through so many workouts thanks to her.

10. Name one thing you’re terrified of. Other people breathing near me.

11. What is the sickest you’ve ever been? Strep throat. Ugh. Miserable.

12. Are you in love? Yes!

13. Mountains or beach? Beach. I know that I chose to move from the beach to live in the mountains, but I am never as happy as when I’m sitting by the water with my toes in the sand. Sigh.

14. Name one thing that makes you happy. Springtime, laptops, music, good design, friends, movies, my t.v. friends

15. Who is your celebrity crush? Robert Reich

16. If they made a movie of your life, who would play you? Rupaul

17. Name a pet peeve. People who write really long, convoluted, complicated emails.

18. Where would you go on your dream vacation? I’ve been fantasizing a lot about the Seychelles

19. What was your first love? (Not a person – just thing you remember being really, really important when you were a kid.) Wonder Woman

20. Name one person who broke your heart. David Boreanaz

21. Name one thing you do when no one is looking. Adjust my bra, probably – oh and dance. I dance A LOT when I’m by myself.

22. What’s next? Finish my yearly evaluation. Holy shit. I just can’t do it. It’s sooooo long and boring.

Okay – sometimes I trip a little too hard on the Wayback Machine, but seriously. *The WB Machine is an internet archive*

Look how young and cute we were.

Kicking Judy on KRCL

Some of our playlists were the total shit! Check ‘em out.

I even looked up Melissa’s old website and fell in love all over again. She would most likely murder me dead if I posted it here, but if she ever allows the world to see her awesome past writings – I’ll pass it along.

P.S. Why won’t Tawnya’s boss leave? I just want to leave a few minutes early and it’s sooooooooooooooo not going to happen because he’s being a total panty-waste. GO HOME, LITTLE MAN! WORK IS GIVING ME A YEAST INFECTION!