This is my resolve face…
I think I’ve finally nailed down my resolutions for 2010. Twenty-ten. Since I was sure that by the 2 thousands I’d be flying around in my hovercraft or at least a hover board – that’s number one.
1. Buy hovercraft. This might prove difficult given that most of our great minds are working on yet, still more drugs to give a bunch of gray-balled, ol’ bastards 10-hour erections. But, I’m putting it out there anyway.
2. No more fake laughing at unfunny jokes by jerky people, just to fill uncomfortable silence or make them feel better. I will still fake laugh for nice people. I know, I’m a softy.
3. Fix up the back rooms in my house. Uggggggghhhhhhhh infinity.
4. Write an episode of Law & Order SVU. I know they don’t take unsolicited material, but whatever. Suck it, Wolf. I’m going to use the word “Semen” 97 times before the theme song.
5. Stop trying to be nice to our dick neighbor. He’s a dick. He does not deserve my forced smiles or attempts at eye contact.
6. Get a record player.
7. Play actual music in addition to infinity hours of Rock Band on the Wii.
8. Figure out how to block death metal on said Wii game.
9. Watch all of Six Feet Under and Oz and every D’onofrio episode of Criminal Intent.
10. Find and hug Vincent D’onofrio. Ask him if I can keep him in my pocket.
11. Try to go to bed before 2 am.
12. Exercise in some way every stupid day.
13. Buy an insane amount of nail polish. What? It makes me happy.
14. Make some stuff. Do some stuff. Go some places.
15. Watch a lot of Youtube Boner Jams!
16. Learn some magics and black arts.
17. Not ever – even after this year take a bath with John Lithgow.
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This is a PERFECT resolutions list!