Lateshoes

…or it could be the staying up until 2 am. Whatever.
Lars and I are attempting to eat gluten-free for a bit. There has been some research that shows cutting out gluten can improve both auto-immune and fertility issues, so we figure it’s worth a shot.

We’re a little more than half way through the first week and I feel good – it’s not even a 10th as hard as South Beach was, but I can see myself edging closer in that direction as this part (the no bread, pasta, cake or pancakes thing) gets easier.

In celebration of making 4 days…. I present you, dear 4 readers with a mix tape!

Rollers Show – Nick Lowe

The Underdog – Spoon

Never Talking To You Again – Husker Du

Carpetbaggers – Jenny Lewis & Elvis Costello

My Rights Versus Yours – New Pornographers

Desolation – Sister Suvi

Hurt Feelings (tears of a rapper) – Flight of the Conchords

I would pretty much murder someone for taking a covert picture of me at the gym, but –
I don’t think this girl really understands the wrong-osity of wearing the phrase, “Either you’re in or you’re out” right above her ass.

I blame True Blood, India and Shannon (Ha! Suck it, woman!) for my obsessive need for all things nail polish.

Full, embarrassing disclosure: I paint my nails about 3 times a week. It is the childless woman’s burden to have this kind of time on my hands, literally – I know. Whatever. As Bobby Brown would say, “it’s my prerogative.” I have somewhere around 80 or so polishes currently in my collection and just to be all environmental and shit…. I’ve been using my discards (the colors that either look stupid against my weird skin or just didn’t live up to their internet-swatch promises) to “franken” my own creations. I read no less than 6 nail polish blogs on the regular and I know. I know I’m nuts.

It started innocently enough with a vampy, almost black, purple polish. OPI’s Lincoln Park After Dark.
Pictured here, Spring 2009:

And from there…. sweet mother! Purples, blues, reds, silvers, glitters, vampy, neon, matte…. I cannot be deterred. I love them all. I even bought yellow. Of my own free will.

It’s part meditation – part art – part color therapy. Nail polish. Who knew?

I think I’ve finally nailed down my resolutions for 2010. Twenty-ten. Since I was sure that by the 2 thousands I’d be flying around in my hovercraft or at least a hover board – that’s number one.

1. Buy hovercraft. This might prove difficult given that most of our great minds are working on yet, still more drugs to give a bunch of gray-balled, ol’ bastards 10-hour erections. But, I’m putting it out there anyway.

2. No more fake laughing at unfunny jokes by jerky people, just to fill uncomfortable silence or make them feel better. I will still fake laugh for nice people. I know, I’m a softy.

3. Fix up the back rooms in my house. Uggggggghhhhhhhh infinity.

4. Write an episode of Law & Order SVU. I know they don’t take unsolicited material, but whatever. Suck it, Wolf. I’m going to use the word “Semen” 97 times before the theme song.

5. Stop trying to be nice to our dick neighbor. He’s a dick. He does not deserve my forced smiles or attempts at eye contact.

6. Get a record player.

7. Play actual music in addition to infinity hours of Rock Band on the Wii.

8. Figure out how to block death metal on said Wii game.

9. Watch all of Six Feet Under and Oz and every D’onofrio episode of Criminal Intent.

10. Find and hug Vincent D’onofrio. Ask him if I can keep him in my pocket.

11. Try to go to bed before 2 am.

12. Exercise in some way every stupid day.

13. Buy an insane amount of nail polish. What? It makes me happy.

14. Make some stuff. Do some stuff. Go some places.

15. Watch a lot of Youtube Boner Jams!

16. Learn some magics and black arts.

17. Not ever – even after this year take a bath with John Lithgow.