Lateshoes

No, really – it’s a real thing. Seriously, it glitters in the sunlight!

The thing is…I don’t get it. As teen fantasies go, Edward Cullen is just so lame. I mean, Robert Pattison is certainly cute, but Edward Cullen the character is just such a jagweed. He’s bossy, whiney, manipulative, suicidal and boring. He and Bella (who is an even douch-ier character) do little more than stare at each other with the distinct look of impending diarrhea on their faces. Neither of them are particularly nice or smart or interesting in any way – and yet – this afternoon I found myself at the theatre watching New Moon and despite all the shushing, laughing my ass off.

Full disclosure – I’ve never read the books. I tried once, but found myself getting increasingly annoyed that I didn’t think to change the object of my early college diaries into a vampire , so I could publish them unedited and make a gozillion dollars.

About half-way through the movie – sometime between Angie’s crack about Daddy Cullen looking just like Joseph Smith and me finishing Edwards part for him:

Edward to Bella: I don’t want you to come.

Me: Literally!

Ba-dum-bum!

-the two GROWN MEN in front of us got up and moved, the angrier of the two saying, “Well, I didn’t know this was a comedy.”

I felt bad for about a second. I mean, I HATE people that ruin my movie-going experience, but really dude? You’re watching a movie in which a vampire’s floating head dispenses advice to the INSANE, fatal attraction-like heroine. A FLOATING HEAD. Even if you love Twilight, you have to admit that’s kind of funny. Right? I mean, am I right?

Watching 5 minutes of A&E’s show Hoarders sent Lars into a panic. He immediately jumped off the couch; cleaned the cat box, washed the dishes and started tackling the clutter of our “junk room.”

I’ve posted pictures of our hardly never-used back room before, so I’ll spare you again – but, it’s safe to say that despite several attempts, it has remained “that room” since 2007. You know the room of which I speak – the room where all of your mystifyingly sentimental, but useless belongings go.

In our case we’re talking:

comic books
music equipment
books
games
weird plastic barbie heads
toys
toys in boxes
boxes of toys
fabric
old blankets and sheets
baskets
and…most of all ——
the haul of long-collected VHS tapes by 2 extremely geek-tastic former movie nerds.

Over the summer, while Lars was away I actually threw out an entire garbage bag full of my tapes, in my first and last unsuccessful attempt to “spring clean” over the summer. So you can only imagine my surprise at the mass of shit we still have left.

You probably don’t think it’s normal to get misty at the thought of getting rid of Ice Cream Man or Stepfather or Hospital Massacre…. but, here we sit, debating over each boxed and battered treasure.

Back to School, Total Recall, Carnival of Souls, Slaughter High, New Kids on the Block: Hangin’ Tough Live, Rock n’ Roll High School, Candyman, Zombie High, Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool, Crippled Masters…. We solute you.

Lars: Well, I found a jump rope.

I don’t even know what to say. Between Gay-hater Pray-john yammering about having “meeted” “the Donald,” Sarah “you betcha’” Palin lying her stupid face off all over the place – and (dare I say it?) all of the ladies on The Hills and The Real Housewives shows – I’m kind of embarrassed of women right now.

Luckily there’s this –

Ahhh- Tina Fey. Single handedly renewing my faith in the ladies.

Wow. After 9…million or so kernal panics and countless crashes and breakdowns and repairs, it’s finally happened. Steve Jobs has agreed to replace you and while I’m happy to not have to worry about your lack of stability and, how should I say this?…feistiness any longer… I have to admit, I’m really going to miss you.

You’re No Good – Dee Dee Warwick
The Poisoned Well – Quasi
Broken Face – Pixies
Panic – The Smiths
Return The Gift – Gang of Four
Exit Music (For A Film) – Radiohead

This is what I get for looking at Youtube instead of blogging.

Seriously. What is this? Is this a thing? There are a million videos of freakishly long nails clickety-clacking away like crabs on laptops.

GAH!

I will never be the same.

*Update! Puuuuuuke. Here are some comments from these vids:

“its so sexy please you hav 2 make videos of you scratching items or messing up fruits with ur nails”

“I like so much this video… very beautiful lonf fingernails.
Can you make also other video where you tapping and scartching a table or a door or a mirror or every objects that you want???”

“Now would be a great time to do a video of you putting about 3 coats of clear polish and allowing it to dry and show them off Your nails are fantastic”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*As a side note: I finally got my laptop back. Macdocs ended up sending Omar back to Apple where they replaced the logic board, both fans, the top case and the keyboard. It seems to be working, now that it’s an entirely different computer. Literally the only original piece of Omar left at this point is the battery. It seems to be working okay for now, but I’m not holding my breath.

I’ve been trying to add all of my software and configure everything the way I had it before, but I’m kind of avoiding it too. I been burned, baby. I been burned.

Hello blog, remember me?

I’m not going to make excuses for myself, other than to say I just haven’t felt very interesting. I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way, because lots of interesting things have been happening, I just haven’t felt very “story-telly”/ entertainy, etc… Like, I would have told everything all wrong and all boring.

Whatever. That’s enough of that. I’m back and I’ve committed to just puking out whatever comes to mind – EVERY DAY.

It’s November, which is National Blog Posting Month – I’m a little late coming to the table, but what better way to recommit than to having blog sex every day?