Lazily Live-blogging the VP Debate

*First – can someone please make Sarah Palin stop staring directly into the camera? I don’t know who told her to do that, but it’s horrible and it’s scaring the living shit out of me.

*Neither Joe Biden nor Sarah Palin were made for High-Definition television.

*Whoever this “Rollins” guy is live-rating the debate on CNN is totally blowing his balls over S.P. “+9″….really, Rollins? Just because.

*Sarah, stop staring at the camera, please. Your hipno-toad eyes are hurting me.

*Holy shit – it’s 2 minutes later and Rollins is at +11 for Palin. I think someone’s got a crush.

*”NucU-lar weaponry”

*I like how S.P. keeps repeating the same three “Axis of Evil” leaders, because they’re the only three foreign leaders she knows about…and let’s face it, she probably just got their names crammed in her brain by Wolfram & Hart.

*Biden – “Facts matter.” – Thank you, Joe.

*Words to be removed from S.P.’s vocabulary: “also,” “there,” “Washington outsider,”

*Biden talks about Darfur and “We should rally the world to act.”

*S.P. – “Oh golly gee – see, gosh I’m just such a Washington outsider blah blah blah”

*Sarah, STOP LOOKING AT ME!

*Back to the CNN Analyst Scordcards – Rollins is out of his fucking mind…. “+37!” She isn’t drooling and she hasn’t lifted her skirt and taken a crap on the podium, but I don’t really see that as a huge triumph.

*DING! DING! DING! “Whatta ‘ya expect, we’re a team of mavericks!” and with that I just won Palin Bingo!!

*Did she really just promise “extra credit” to elementary school children for watching the debate? Did that just happen?

*Ok, I had to look this Rollins guy up because he just strained his scrotum giving S.P. another 6 points! Frickin’ “+43″… it’s Ed Rollins, Republican strategist. Great – now we can all imagine this goob choking his chicken to that photoshopped pic of S.P. in a bikini.

*J.B. just made me throw my hands up and cheer talking about his family.

*Say “maverick” again, lady. Seriously. GAH!

*Woo hoo. J.B. just is coming out of the box on the “maverick” bull crap! “So, maverick he is not on the important, critical issues that affect people…” Fucking sweet!!! It’s about damn time, someone said this. I think I’m in love. Now you get to imagine me choking my chicken to file footage of J.B. during the primary debates in 1988.

*S.P. can you please, please, I beg of you, please stop saying cliches to me. “Walk the walk” – “and also” Fuck you. Did you really just say that the media “filtered” you? Is that you you implied?

*S.P. “We have to fight for our freedoms.” Siiighhhh.

GAh! Turn her mic off!

“PRECIATE THAT!!!!” Gah! Turn if off.

I have to say that was an infinitely better debate than the one between Obama and McCain….thanks, but NO THANKS to my friend S.P.

  • Shannon

    Amen, amen, amen….we were barely finished watching when I BEGGED Kelly to make me a drink. A very stiff drink

  • Mark B.

    Suzanne and I were both trying very hard to be patient and just let the two of them speak for themselves. I held back my tendency to MST3K the whole thing. But after a certain point, Suzanne snapped and said, “Stop. Saying. That. Stupid. Word!” (Yeah, you guessed it – “maverick.”)

    I wouldn’t want her obnoxious, faux-humble, condescending, real-estate-agent-esque act running the local PTA, much less the country.

    Ultimately, isn’t that the most important question for a VP candidate – could this person effectively step into the office of President if called upon? She could not. That’s just one of a billion reasons not to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket.

    Btw – goob choking his chicken? Did you really need to create that image for the ol’ mental rolodex?

  • Mark B.

    Btw, why when I log onto your blog are there no posts? Why do I have to go the “recent post” archive and click on something to read?

  • your sister

    oh seriously that crazy wench drizes me crazy. “Well i talked to the soccor moms and don’t cha know..” i also loved it when she said ” Obama and O’Biden?” I didnt know he changed his name!!!

  • I LOVE YOU ALREADY! We share many views on this Moron from Alaska