I know I’m not the only almost-34 year-old to look at her current “lady” self and think, wow – at least I used to be cool…at least I hope I’m not.
It’s a funny thing to think, especially given that my “cool” window was both extremely debatable and also notably short. I was not cool in high school or even college. For me, cool came the year after I graduated. The year I picked up a guitar and inherited a free drum kit from a friend.
Angie and I spent hours holed up in our apartment crafting hilarious songs about Rivers Cuomo’s obession with little Japanese girls and our own obsession with telling all of our ex-boyfriends to not-so-politely “fuck off and die.” It started small, like that.
Soon after, we placed an ad for a drummer and started a band. It was fun at first, but short lived due to (be nice) friction with one of the members. Angie and I continued to play on our own. I learned to play the drums and we started playing shows – in front of people. We were different and whether people came to see us because they actually liked our music or because they thought we were an adorable little sideshow, didn’t really matter. We were having fun and I think for the first time felt confident and like we were contributing something.
That summer we organized a “grrrl” art collective called U.G.G.L.I.E.S. (Underground Girls Getting Loud, Independent and Electric in SLC) and organized and planned a benefit show for the Rape Recovery Center in Salt Lake. Though UGGLIES crashed in burned pretty quickly, I’m still more proud of that silly show than I am of almost anything else I’ve ever done. Ever.
It wasn’t too long after that when Angie and I became the hosts of a pretty popular, local radio show…and I mean, I ask you – is there anything cooler than hosting a radio show?
I never felt cool while all this was happening. I was just douchey ol’ me, lumbering around, banging on drums and screaming/ giggling into microphones. It was Lars that first put the “C” word into my head. We were driving in his white Honda and I think we had just gotten together – anyway, I was blah-blah-blahing about something and he said, “What? You’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met.”
Uh. Huh?
I don’t do any of that stuff anymore. I haven’t picked up drum sticks in over a year and eep! microphones at present, scare me. I’m a “lady” now whether I like it or not. I spend more time thinking about babies and home repair than I do about punk rock and activism. It’s not that I’ve given up those principles or deleted The Buzzcocks from my iTunes – it’s just that – hmmm - I think I’ve relaxed…and it’s nice.
I’ve been thinking a lot about playing music again. Of all my former cool-girl activities, it’s definitely the thing I miss the most, but we’ll see, I mean, I’m old – I might not be able to lift the sticks or hold that heavy guitar thingie.
