Lateshoes

Here’s you assignment — Learningtoloveyoumore.com

So, why are so many young dudes driving like Ol’ Grandpa Bitch-tits these days? Three times today I got trapped behind dudes in cars, packed like a clowns with other stinky dudes… driving 20 mph in a 40 zone. What gives?

I just picked up my computer – yeah, it only took one day – so, once again – MacDocs rules. Shiny, new top case, new clicky keys, nice non-greasy track pad….and 2Geez of RAM awesomer and it’s like she knows she’s prettier now – like if she had a mirror, she’d just stare at herself and preen all night like a Top Model contestant with a brand new, $900 weave.

I spent most of my day taking pictures with an AWESOME digital SLR camera – for the library’s website and I’m sort of in love. As soon as bigamy with insentient objects is legal, I’m going to marry it. Do you hear me, Nikon D70? I’m going to marry you. I suppose I’d “settle” (haha!) for a Canon Rebel too, but that’s it! I’m really sold on someday owning a fancy, awesome camera. I love my “point and shooter,” but, for reals y’all – this camera was a dream. Every picture I took looked professional and impressive – (droooooooooooool!) Wow. Anyway, I better start saving my pennies. You know, all those pennies not already saved for project “home remodel/ refurnish.” Ugh. You may have to wait, pretty camera, but I’ll dream about you.

WTF? I can’t believe this happened AGAIN!. See here and here.

After dealing with a somewhat “special” Apple Store employee over the phone, I decided that my best option would be to take it to MacDocs.

When I showed the “Awesome MacDocs Guy” he said that even though my warranty had expired, the part (top case) was only replaced in February, so I should at least try to get them to replace it for free. Unfortunately, that meant calling Apple Customer Service ….twice.

The first guy I dealt with was a major douchebag who put me on hold for 25 minutes. (Granted, I was in a store surrounded by beautiful/ new Macs, so I was entertained, but still). When he came back from his lunch break, he told me that his colleagues all agreed, I should have to pay for it myself. Whatever.

“Awesome MacDocs Guy” told me to try again, but act more frustrated and dissatisfied. So, I channeled my inner mom and went for it. My mom and my friend Lisa have the best dealing-with-customer-service voices in the world – and I’ve always envied their ability to stand up for themselves and not crumble just because some jerk making 5 bucks an hour told them, “No.”

So, I did it – I was all… “Look – I shouldn’t be having to deal with this every six months —and I’m not going back to the Apple Store because they obviously replaced my faulty top case with another faulty casing…and I don’t trust them, so are you going to help me or not? Blah blah blah.” Once I got through my original schpeel and the lady seemed nice, I pulled it back a notch, “I’m sorry to be so frustrated, I’ve just talked to so many people already and I don’t have to money to keep fixing this and I really appreciate your help.”

In two minutes she had a code for Awesome MacDocs Guy. Yippee. I hope.

MacDocs is awesome. What other company would be like, “no way – you should get this for free!”? I mean, I ask you.

So, I’ll be minus my baby for a few days but, when I get her back she’ll be all shiny and nice again…with 2Geeez of RAM. (I decided to upgrade while I was at it) …It’s like I’m sending her to Supermodel Bootcamp.

I know that Angie and I aren’t the only ones who remember this show.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuIex0qiu-Y]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc4RhBBw0b8]

“Our goal should be to move children who have no health insurance to private coverage — not to move children who already have private health insurance to government coverage,” says our mentally challenged president.

And how does he suggest moving poor, uninsured children to “private coverage” when the entire fecking point is that they can’t afford private insurance?!? Dammit, Gina!

If he knew what obfuscating meant, I would tell him to stop obfuscating the real point and just come out and say that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass if poor American children are sick or die because he and his greedy, scumbag friends love money and they don’t care if they have to walk over the backs of a million dead bodies to get more.

This sort of goes without saying, but I’m really done with this guy.

I know he sends these to all of his MySpace friends, but it totally made me feel kinda spacial err, special.

Just watched Shortbus – so weird. I neither loved nor hated it – the “real” sex didn’t bother or unnerve me – even though it took us a week to finally watch it.

The character’s stories were moving and interesting and beautiful, but in the end I didn’t fall in love with them the way I did with John Cameron Mitchell’s most famous character, Hedwig. I love Hedwig like a real person.

To be fair, I held this movie at a bit of a distance – mostly because of my intense horror at the idea of orgies and bizarre, carnivalesque group sex. The thought of a whole bunch of nekky people getting it on in the same room gives me the total wigs. The germs, people – the germs!! Orgies are up there with inbred-hillbilly mutants, giant spiders and Cirque du soleil. I mean, think of the smell. Blargh!

Anyway, I left the movie feeling like a huge prude, but not in any sort of defeatist, self-deprecating way – just like, yeah, I’m prude and I’m proud. Like I want to make t-shirts that say things like:

Too OCD for your ORG

I have orgasms…with my husband!

and…

I’m not THAT flexible.

*** Now, don’t get me wrong – I believe in sexual freedom and liberation and “to each their own” – and just because something is “not for me” doesn’t mean I’m all judgy about what other people do with their nay-nays. If you like the carnival-sex – I respect that. I won’t join you – but, I celebrate your right to get-it-on-bang-a-gong any damn way you please.

(Based on a weird comment I received I decided I should clarify)