Lateshoes

Inspired by my friend Mark’s blog – I decided to post some of my worst jobs – and I believe I’ve got him beat!

1. “What’s your favorite perfume?” During a time of particular and acute desperation Tawnya and I were sucked into the most bizarre of pyramid scams – the, Hey! Let’s get some crack-heads to sell our shitty, knock-off “perfumes” to lonely, old cat-ladies in the Smith’s parking lot, scam. It was 1995, I think.

2. “If you wanna pay more, go next door!” – “Whatta ya’ gonna holla, every thing’s a dollar!!!! Working at a dollar store, in a wafer-thin polo shirt tucked into polyester pants was humiliating on more levels than I care to recount.

3. A tie for every job I had while living in West Yellowstone, Montana. Cleaning hotel rooms (blech!), waiting tables, selling ugly pottery and knives, slinging pizza, –I should have just given blow-jobs to Montana hobos – it would have been less cruel to my dignity.

4. McDonalds. After getting kicked out of Ricks for “not being a rat,” and getting sucky grades my mother decided the best punishment would be to get me a job at McDonalds. Thanks mom.

5. Parking attendant at the Crossroads Mall. I would like to lament the fact that the city has decided to tear down the site where I first developed lung cancer, but I won’t.

6. My 3am – noon shift at Key Bank processing food stamps. Have you ever read or seen the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Well, that’s what it’s like working a 3 am shift while going to school full time.

7. Bar Wench at the Silver Horse Shoe in St. Anthony, Idaho. I shouldn’t have to explain why drunken, Mormon, farm-coots grabbing my 18-year old ass on a nightly basis was annoying.

• Tweet