Lateshoes

Lars and I made a list of all the furniture we need once the two front rooms are finally renovated – Long story short- if anyone has 3000 bucks lying around – uh, send it our way.

Something we’ve committed to getting are a couple of Expedit bookshelves from Ikea. Imagine my delight in finding they fit vinyl “record albums” as snug as bugs in rugs.

Just looking at this picture and all its tidy-ness is making want to jump out of bed and start priming the living room.

Steps yet to go before $3000 shopping spree can commence:

1. Sand the ceiling

2. Patch holes in the wall and any gouges in the drywall

3. Prime the ceiling and walls

4. Paint- paint- paint

5. Install new fixtures

6. Sand the floors

7. Stain the floors

8. Finish the floors

9. Install baseboards

10. Cry….drink….cry…. shop!!!

Inspired by my friend Mark’s blog – I decided to post some of my worst jobs – and I believe I’ve got him beat!

1. “What’s your favorite perfume?” During a time of particular and acute desperation Tawnya and I were sucked into the most bizarre of pyramid scams – the, Hey! Let’s get some crack-heads to sell our shitty, knock-off “perfumes” to lonely, old cat-ladies in the Smith’s parking lot, scam. It was 1995, I think.

2. “If you wanna pay more, go next door!” – “Whatta ya’ gonna holla, every thing’s a dollar!!!! Working at a dollar store, in a wafer-thin polo shirt tucked into polyester pants was humiliating on more levels than I care to recount.

3. A tie for every job I had while living in West Yellowstone, Montana. Cleaning hotel rooms (blech!), waiting tables, selling ugly pottery and knives, slinging pizza, –I should have just given blow-jobs to Montana hobos – it would have been less cruel to my dignity.

4. McDonalds. After getting kicked out of Ricks for “not being a rat,” and getting sucky grades my mother decided the best punishment would be to get me a job at McDonalds. Thanks mom.

5. Parking attendant at the Crossroads Mall. I would like to lament the fact that the city has decided to tear down the site where I first developed lung cancer, but I won’t.

6. My 3am – noon shift at Key Bank processing food stamps. Have you ever read or seen the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Well, that’s what it’s like working a 3 am shift while going to school full time.

7. Bar Wench at the Silver Horse Shoe in St. Anthony, Idaho. I shouldn’t have to explain why drunken, Mormon, farm-coots grabbing my 18-year old ass on a nightly basis was annoying.

I totally got tagged, yo!
Four Places I’d Love to Visit:

1. Wales. Any country that that can cram 15 consonants into every word is alright by me. Plus, it looks like it’s made of magic.

2. Japan. Not just because CUTE was born there or because I’ve seen Lost in Translation one too many times. Eh, nevermind – it is because CUTE was born there, but also because they makes kid’s books that look like this:

3. Thailand or the Aegean Sea – I can’t decide.

4. I’d like to visit France and then live there for the free health care and maternity leave.

Four Things I Covet:

1. The ability to always look “put together” – I feel like a sea hag lately.

2. Homes that are stylish, unique and completely designed, painted organized and furnished.

3. Anyone who is really organized – the will to be organized comes naturally to me, but I lack in the execution.

4. Non-broken baby factories

4 Goals I Have:

1. To travel more.

2. To finish remodeling at least the front of the house.
3. To start writing/ playing music again.

4. To have major, massive amounts of sex

4 Fads I Wish Would Pass:

1. shitty music

2. shows about spoiled, blond, rich teenagers glamorizing vapid entitlement, gluttony, consumerism and profound lack of vocabulary. (except the Hills – the Hills can stay forever)

3. Football

4. George W. Bush. <— WORD

4 Delights:

1. Driving up Emigration Canyon in the morning

2. Family nap time – I loves me a good cuddle.

3. Listening to a great song over and over again on my headphones

4. Making pesto from my own basil plant.

4 Regrets:
1. I always say this one, but – leaving Tawnya’s mom alone in the airport.

2. Waiting a year before agreeing to go out with Lars

3. Eating that enchilada as Tres Hombres

4. Not being a bigger slut before I was married. Okay – maybe not…well, maybe a little. I was such a good girl when I think about it.

4 Things I Wish I Could Do More Often:
1. Finish books
2. Go on vacation
3. Visit my family
4. Sit and do nothing – preferably in a hammock.

4 Things That I Never Would Have Imagined Would Happen to Me:
1. I never thought I would have to tell Robert Redford to shove his million dollars where the sun don’t shine.

2. I never thought I would go on a killing spree with Woody Harrelson.

3. I never thought I would make out with Hugh Grant, but then end up with Colin Firth.

4. I never thought I wouldn’t have a real answer to this question.

4 People I Tag:
1. Melissa
2. Tawnya
3. Lisa
4. Angie

I spent the entirety of yesterday puking, shivering, sweating and fever-dream sleeping. It was a lot like that episode of Walker: Texas Ranger where Walker takes Haley Joel Osment into that Native American sweat-lodge to tell him he has AIDS.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-bIN6PPuJk]Tres Hombres – you done me wrong. You done me so, so wrong.

Luckily, this picture of Lars making love to his kettle corn gives me a reason to live.

I’ve never been a middle-of-the-road kind of girl. Like Lady Sovereign says, “Love me or hate me, that is the question.” I don’t understand what it is about me that inspires such devotion/disdain….(devodain? uh, devodisvotion?) and I only recently discovered it. Barring a brief time of hormone induced hysteria (i.e. college), I’ve always been fairly perceptive. I can see people turning-off, getting board, getting annoyed, filling with joy, rage – you name it…I can sense it coming from a mile away.

Maybe I should have become some sort of body-language expert, like that crazy stripper-wife who’s always analyzing Hillary Clinton on Bill O’Riley’s show. Anyway, my point is I can usually read people – and so, even when they think they’re adroitly concealing their contempt for me – I can feel it.

I’m always surprised though. What’d I ever do to them? I think.   I’m always polite – I smile. I bat my eyelashes and flash my dimples when necessary, I even chuckle at stupid jokes, so what the hell gives?

I’m “on the rag” and that’s the only reason I can think of as to why I even give a crap.

Wait – was that too blunt?

Today was truly one of those days. Everything that could possibly go wrong- did. I finished a webpage and suddenly lost every picture. I tried to make copies for a presentation, but the copier was jammed. My friend-lunch got cut short. I had to give a presentation to 80 crazy people instead of 10 at a meeting that lasted two hours instead of one. Lars got mad at me. Some dudes ogled my butt at the Auto parts store in a way that I could decipher if they were checking me out or making fun of me. Our t.v. started being weird.  — . All in all, today bit the weeny.

The weather isn’t helping either. I feel like I’m being baked alive like a thanksgiving turkey every time I go outside.

Screw you, summer.

Meow. Meow. Meow.

I kid you not – I just had to retype this whole thing because when I tried to post it, the site was down for maintenance and it blew the whole thing away. wtf? lol? lmfao?

The switch from Blogger to WordPress took nearly 8 hours – not that I had to do much of anything except watch the little, blue bar tick away, adding post after post. 648, to be exact.

I’m too tired to go into all the reasoning behind making the move, but most of it can be chalked up to “design control.” Blogger’s move to the more user-friendly/ “gooey” interface made it nearly impossible to tinker with the code or page design… and as you all know – I love to tinker. Tinkering, in fact, pays the bills these days – so, suffice it to say – I’ve moved in order to impose my free, creative will upon this here weblog.

And anyway – change is good. It’s like spring cleaning.

Can’t sleep. Lars is in Vernal on a river trip with a couple of his clients. It’s funny how you forget how to sleep on your own. A few years ago I read an interesting book about the physical/ chemical/ physiological aspects of love. It’s main thesis: that our bodies actually become biochemically connected – just spending time together, touching.

I have no idea if that’s true, but I still can’t fall asleep.

I think the Throwing Muses said it better than I could.

I’ve been painting my nails a lot lately. Last month I got a manicure and I’ve been obsessively lacquering ever since. I bought some really cheap polish – the kind that 12-year old girls buy at the drugstore with their bubblegum money. The colors are bright and garish enough to call attention – something I don’t normally relish.

The bright, aqua blue elicited enthusiasm from the check-out girl at the Emigration Market. The shimmering purple caused an elderly woman in a wheelchair to grab my left hand and hold it for about 3 minutes while telling me all about her daughter who now lives in New Jersey.

Painted nails make me want to point things out to people. Both literal things and figurative. “Have you ever noticed this sign before? Aren’t the colors lovely? Isn’t the font nice?”

I’ll point with my short, purple-painted nail on my stubby, outstretched finger and we’ll all look up together.