Lateshoes

1. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
Lars

2. Where was the last place you went out to eat?
this crazy diner called Smitty’s in Idaho Falls

3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?
some really, really, really crappy wine I bought in a Rexburg grocery store just because I could

4. How many significant others have you cheated on?
none

5. What is more essential – a pretty face or a great body?
um, shallow much? and also – I’m not a dude, dude….so when you say “pretty face” it makes me think of Orlando Bloom who makes me want to yack.

6. What is the value of all the jewelry on you?
do you want to rob me, now is that it?

7. Medicine, fine arts, or law?
Bon Jovi, happy trees, Law & Order

8. When was the last time you got a good workout?
ummm…

9. Best kind of pizza?
Veggie Delite from Papa Murphy’s

10. If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go first?
I don’t wear jeans, biiitch

11. Where did your last hug take place?
in my bedroom

12. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Saturday night?
watching Hellraiser: Hellworld in a hotel in Rexburg

13. Are you a quitter?
not really, no…. are YOU a quitter?

14. Who was the last person you had in your room?
dogs and cats

15. Is your bedroom window open?
you really are trying to rob me – fucking, no.

16. Can you speak another language?
English, motherfucker – do you speak it?

17. How about put your legs behind your head?
uhhh

18. What is in store for your future?
I’m going to eat breakfast for lunch with some friends

19. Who was the last band you saw live?
this is really sad, cos it’s been a while and I honestly don’t remember

20. When was the last time you went dancing while under the influence?
1993

21. Do you take care of your friends while they’re sick?
If they needed me, I would

22. What is your favorite soda?
iced tea

23. How many songs are on your iTunes?
3111

24. When was the last time you received something over $500?
like someone gave me some worth more than that?? I have no idea…probably my wedding two years ago

25. Have you been through driver’s ed yet?
no, but I’m turning 15 next week….so look out.

26. What will you be next school year?
too old to answer these kinds of questions

27. Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
Sirius Black.

30. Are you experienced?
like in a Jimi Hendrix kind of way?

31. Any historical figures that you envy?
Divine

32. Describe what you’re wearing in detail?

why? Okay, whatever.

33. What brand of digital camera do you own?
Olympus

34. What do you think about people who party a lot?
I don’t think about them. I’m too busy getting a good night’s sleep like a granny

35. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Not really, no. Unless you’re my dirty, old boss who liked to talk about Crisco and butt plugs and shit…I guess, there’s a limit.

36. What makes a perfect evening?
good movie or tv, good food, cuddling etc…

37. Who was the last person to sleep over at your house?
uhhh… I think my brother-in-law slept over like a year ago

38. iPod?
I would die without it, so if you’re still thinking of stealing shit from me, just remember that I’d rather kick your balls into to hamburger than let you have it.

39. How often do you tan, if you do at all?
my driving arm is pretty tan

40. What was the last CD you purchased?
The Very Best of Hall & Oates

41. Have you ever been offered a job?
Yep

42. What are two bands/singers that you will always love?
Hall and Oates – duh and Prince

43. Have you ever stolen anything off of a road?
I stole some money that flew out of a guy’s car…but, only because when I stopped to help him pick it all up, he was the HUGEST asshole

45. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Tawnya

46. What of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of?
I’ve probably been guilty of all of them at some point

47. Do you do homework in coffee shops?
No, because I don’t have homework because I’m what they call a grown-up. Sort of.

When I first started watching Big Love, I had no idea what to expect – At first I was prudishly put off by all the husband-sharing and gratuitous polygamist bang-bang… but, most of all – I was off put by how many times the camera found its way to Bill Paxton’s naked butt.

Bill has always been quite special to me, in an older brother kind of way. He was Chet in Weird Science – he was the semi-retarded “Yeah man, let Bishop go” guy in Aliens. I’ve refused, until now – dear reader to ever feel sexual feelings for him. It must be true what Tipper Gore says about repetitive violent imagery in the media – only, I’m not so much desensitized as converted.

Okay, HBO? Do you hear that? You’ve converted me to the sex cult of Bill Paxton’s backside. I hope you’re happy now.

First 7 months of 2007:

1. Have you had your birthday yet?
Nope

2. Are you with the same person as you were at the beginning of 2007?
Yes

3. Are you still in the same job?
Same place/ Different job (Woo (fucking) hoo!)

4. Is your favorite color the same color?
Eh, it’s always changing. Right now I’m really loving the aqua/red combo….and purple

5. Have you got the same style/color hair?
basically

6. Have you bought a new car this year?
I bought a car that is new to me.

7. How many girlfriends/boyfriends have you had this year?
like 20

8. Have you been involved with the police this year?
What do you mean by involved?? I had one pull me over and then not listen to me AT ALL…and then say “that’s a long name” after looking at my driver’s license

9. All time drinking place for 2007?
the titty bar – definitely the titty bar

10. Is your best friend(s) at the start of 2007 still your best friend?
Yes, though if Tawnya doesn’t stop trying to give my brownies away – we’re going to have a problem.

11. Got any tattoos or piercings this year?
not yet this year, no. I really want a new tattoo though.

12. Had a hair cut?
I just got one – how ya’ like them apples?

13. Been in hospital this year?
I took Tawnya to the hospital when she dislocated her shoulder – again.

14. Lost someone you cared about this year?
to say who would reveal too much about the plot of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

15. Been on a vacation this year?
nope

16. Been in love this year?
totally

17. Fallen out of love this year?
nope

18. Been kicked out of a pub this year?
I’ve been kicked out of like 10 pubs.

19. Completed any studies this year?
I’m going to start some studies

20. Read a book this year?
no- just magazines and liner notes

21. Worst thing to happen this year?
actually, I can’t think of anything really bad. CHeck me out.

22. Best thing to happen this year?
NEW. JOB.

23. How many times have you gotten drunk?
eh

24. Have you fallen for someone this year?
I fall for Lars like 10 times a week

25. Has this year been a good one so far?
Sure.

I just spent half an hour adding things to my Netflix queue and rating movies and I realized something. I think I give away that 5 star rating way too easily.

Today, I read Harry Potter and the Death Hallows from beginning to end. I started around 1 am, fell asleep at three, woke up – read. Took a shower – read – and by 7:30 p.m. I knew the fate of You-know-who, countless Death Eaters, Muggles, centaurs, goblins, snakes, werewolves, Ministry of Magic whosie-whatsits, owls, house-elves, Harry Potter and all his little friends.

Not that I’m going to tell you lot.

When I finally ventured out into the universe (otherwise known as the grocery store) I felt a lot like I did after finally having sexy-time for the first time. Like I knew something both wonderful and ordinary – something that was completely mine, but totally familiar to everyone else. In that way – in the way that connects us all to both the magical and the ordinary – the Harry Potter books are a lot like getting it on.

Or something. I’m out of it, what do you expect, I’ve been reading all day.

So, after the second full day of working my new job I can honestly say – holy shit! Do they really expect me to work like this all the time? I would suspect their answer is, yes, those motherflippers. Those wonderful, glorious motherflippers.

Interestingly – I don’t mind. I worked my chubby buttocks off all day, without ONCE checking my MySpace. I didn’t read “my blogs,” watch YouTube or shop for cute dildos shaped like dolphins. NOT ONCE. I mean, not to blow my cover, but what you just read above describes about 2/3rds of my adult working life…and now it’s over. And – I’m not sad. (I mean there’s always time for dildos at home, right?)

The work is really collaborative and interesting (most of it anyway) and I spent the better part of my day rearranging a “mock up” of the library’s future homepage. A fucking mock-up. I got paid to make something totally fake that I will just have to re-code again…and I liked it.

I will say that it’s lonely. Everyone is really nice – but, so far there’s no one I really connect with. I realize of course that my previous office mates (and friends) were a fluke. I know that finding hilarious, brilliant, bosom friends (ha! bosom) who make you laugh yourself sick and never stop surprising or inspiring you is rare, but I never understood just how rare until now. I really, really miss having good friends around to make my day easier and sometimes even special.

I don’t anticipate any friend-love in my current sitch, but they’re nice enough co-workers and that’s not so bad, right? Right.

Yargh. Check out picks of my new office and my tits here.

THE MuthaTruckin’ Hills Returns August 13.

“Cos, ya’ know…you mean so much to me.” Awesome.

Sicko – Your American Life Exclusive Clip!

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Do you remember the time you told me – ah, fuck it, what’s the point?

Dear readers,

In honor of my new (old) car and my new (new) job – yes, I got a new job- (one that won’t make me sick) – I am creating a double-disc, musical mix that will blow your friggin’ mind. Do you want one? If so, leave me a comment or send an email with your preferred mailing address.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDwJBPaupVY]

When polygamy is legal – Keith, me and Lars are going to be a family.