Lateshoes

Vlogs are the most baffling phenomenon I’ve ever encountered. Realizing that I’m one to talk – I blab here about my innermost occasionally, but I rarely do it naked…and when I am naked, I don’t tell you and I certainly don’t show you. Hellllooo. I’m getting ahead of myself because it isn’t even the confessional nature of the vlog that wigs me – it’s how various vloggers vlog about something and then other vloggers make “response vlogs” where they talk to the previous vlogger about their vlog. Vlog…vlog…vlog. It’s like they have this strangely drawn out conversation, but don’t want to be bothered with the hassle of interruption – so they produce these incredible oratories and/or hilarious ramblings and pass them back and forth like junior high M.A.S.H. notes. I’m scared of it, saddened by it – but also really fascinated.

If anyone really wants to know what I’m talking about do a search for “David Lynch Coffee” on Youtube. Her riff about Tori Amos tampons is pure gold.

Yay! The baby is back home. She has an entirely new keyboard – “top case” thingie. It’s totally different feeling, like it’s smoother, but has a more matte feel, especially the trackpad, which is cool because the earlier trackpad was sort of slick to the touch and it absorbed dirt really easily. The entire top case is actually thicker and sits a bit higher and is rounded off on the edges so I no longer get stabbed when I’m not being a perfect-posture typer, which is definitely a rad and unexpected perk or upgrade or whatever. The old one sat more flush and therefore more stabby.
My only real complaint is the much less clicky keyboard – as I’ve said before, I am a total fan of the almost obnoxious click in my the old keyboard’s step, and while this one’s buttons are just as resistant and bouncy, they make a much less pleasing clickity-clack, hardly a price concidering that this palm rest won’t absorb my wrist goo and stain or crack off. It actually feels sturdier…and is, I’m quite positive, a bit heavier than it was before.

So, so-long clicky-clacky, I will miss you….but, I’m so glad to have my baby back… it was like I lost a limb.

**NOTE**

It happened AGAIN. See here for details.

So, my beloved MacBook is having a one possibly THREE night stay with the fucking “geniuses” at the Apple store. Can I say one thing? I love my Mac – love it, but the Apple store is like the fourth circle of hell. The hell imagery is both metaphorical and literal, like does it have to be so fucking hot in there??
There seems to be some sort of defect with the top casing around the keyboard. At first tons of people, myself included were having problems with the plastic staining on the wrist-rest area… NOW…after only six months a the edge on the right palm rest is cracking. I was unable to take an effective picture for myself, but you can see what I’m talking about here.
Mine didn’t completely crack off, but was definitely on its way. I figured I would have a better chance of getting free repair/replacement if I took it in before it actually broke off and I had to listen to some “genius” tell me how I must have dropped it or some shite.
So, looong story short, they are fixing the stupid thing- for free, but because they are evil, took my computer from me for possibly days. I feel totally naked. I keep thinking, I’ll just go grab my computer – but uhhh. It no there. I walked away from the Apple store in total shock and denial, holding my very light computer bag on my shoulder. I didn’t realize just how attached I had gotten to that damn hunk of cute.
Sigh. Now, I know they won’t pet her and tell her she’s a pretty girl before she goes to bed tonight – but they better not hurt her is all I’m spraying. UGH.

Lars just rolled over, completely asleep, put his hand on my tittay and said, “For the record – I want to see more of these in the president’s office room” before promptly rolling over onto his other side.

Awesome.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwWSN_VXZAw]

After much admonishment from friends and family I am actually “writing” a blog. Whoopty-doo. I’ve been coming down with some sort of bizarre cold that makes me feel like shite one second and completely fine the next so I never know from moment to moment how I’m going to feel. I can feel the mucous man in his wife-beater setting up shop in my lungs and thanks to that vile Mucinex commercial I have that very vivid imagery in brain.

In addition to being slightly ill I’ve also been “slightly” depressed. I’m starting to wonder if getting off of birth control was really the best idea. I’ve been fairly moody of late, to say nothing of my laziness, fatness or general all around mannishness. I’m seriously checking my face every day for any trace signs of appearing masculinity. Hormone imbalances are real y’all and I don’t want to take any chances. The other day I was certain that my shoulders were beginning to look positively line-backer-ish….and the mustache – well, I don’t want to talk about it. Mustache, weight-gain, zits and depression aside I feel I’m doing pretty fucking awesome.

My depression could also be chalked up to the shooting last week at Salt Lake’s Trolley Square mall. Trolley is mere blocks away from my home and I have spent many hours inside and out. I have a’ gazillion brilliant memories in that place and I’m struggling with the idea that something so horrific took place there. I would like to respectfully move on but having to write about it for New West is definitely taking its toll. I haven’t written anything in depth at all yet because the simple robo-tron-AP-wire-type things I have posted have already drawn a disturbing and hideous crowd. If you wonder at all if racism and religious bigotry still exist, just take a gander at the comment section of any stories about this shooting. Some of the rhetoric spewed within has made me literally sick to my stomach. Some want to know why the media isn’t reporting that Sulejman Talovic (the killer) was Muslim – which, okay if it weren’t reported, how would they know it in the first place? They claim that the mainstream=liberal media dropped the story after his religion was revealed. I would argue that the mainstream media dropped the story because Talovic has not, as of yet been named as another potential father of Anna-Nicole’s baby. Others want to know why we won’t just call the shooting either a case of “Sudden-Jihad Syndrome” or Islamo-terrorism. Could be the lack of proof of such motivations, but I’m just guessing. They want to know why I won’t just acknowledge that we are “at war with Muslims.” One guy even – and I shit not- asked me if I had forgotten 9/11. The fuck? Look, if anything – the kid suffered from a case of Sudden-Asshole Syndrome – which is a real syndrome because I have a blog and I say so. At any rate, I’m tired of thinking about it and/or feeling like I have to answer to the questions of non-Utahn political fuckwads when I’m still trying to get the images of my dead neighbors out of my head.

Wow – that actually made me feel better. See, I can’t call them fuckwads over on New West I have to play nice and pretend their opinions aren’t disgusting. See, I should blog more on my own blog.

One last thing, because now that you’ve got me going and it’s 1:50 in the morning…I recently found this awesome piece by the late-great Molly Ivins. It’s her take on Camille Paglia’s Sexual Personae and it fucking rules. I want to be her when I grow up or at least I’d like to have her ghost sit on my shoulder like a guardian angel…like a muse and give me the strength and the balls to say what I’d really like to say all of the time.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9vS8g7hx6k]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEHIGxqqvsY]