Lateshoes

Why am I suddenly seeing this (to quote my friend Clayton) “Asspock” everywhere all of the sudden?

Why is he in my fucking face every 15 seconds? Why did he have an HBO series? Why is he the lead in a movie? Who is this fuck?

He’s no Ryan Reynolds, is all I’m saying.

He’s NOT funny. He’s NOT clever. He’s not even cute, so what the hell?

This is exactly like the rise of 50 Cent. No one ever heard of that clown until Mtv shoved him in our faces with “specials” and “interviews” like non-stop. How does one with so little talent get so much pre-fame publicity? How does it work? I really want to know.

Now there are a million of these “rappers” and I used quotes because yelling, “HUH?…WHAT!!?” does not constitute rapping in my book…but, as I was saying there are a million of these cunts running around Mtv acting like we should know who they are. “Chicken Noodle Soup…Chicken Noodle Soup….Chicken Noodle Soup with a soda on the siiiide.” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Back to Dane Cook…Who’s dick did he chow? Or…did he use the “Most popular girl” spell from Teen Witch? My mind wants to know…and then wants to banish his talentless ass back to obscurity.

Something said by “the Bobs” when they came back with their recommendations for the library.

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In case you can’t watch the myspace version, I’ve uploaded a youtube one.

Keith Olbermann gave yet another “special comment” last night and as scathing as the others have been, this was bar far his most furious. If you missed it, please watch it or read the transcript here.
For some Keith crossed the line last night. Even the ladies of Either Relevant or True expressed, with trepidation that Keith had gone too far.
I can respect that and I certainly understand why some were put off, after all…we’re not used to straight talk. Especially when that straight talk comes from the left and is spoken with such eloquence and intelligence and completeness of thought. We’re used to mousing, grousing and skirting. We’re used to our editorialists smiling at their philosophical enemies and blogging about them behind their backs. We’re used to dodging, caging and downright deception, but what we are not used to in this country is hearing a man speak from his gut, his conscience and his heart. We aren’t used to men or anyone telling it like they see it. It’s shocking to hear such words spoken, but they do need to be said. I can only marvel that it took a former sports reporter to take the stage and remind us all that journalism is supposed to mean something…that social commentary is for all people and all voices, not just the voices of those who echo the men currently in power. It makes some people uncomfortable. I found my own self shifting and covering my mouth in disbelief last night as he spoke…but, I was so proud to at last hear true feeling and true thought coming from a voice on my television.
I don’t know if I agree with everything he said, (okay, in all fairness, I do) I’m just glad that someone is saying something…finally and saying it with conviction, dignity and with complete disregard for politeness.
Politeness keeps mouths shut and minds turned off. Politeness has made cowards of us all.

So much writing. It’s really taking its toll. I’m starting to feel like when those kids get all their juice sucked out by aliens in “Strange Invaders,” starring Paul LaMatt.
I’m in the middle of a piece right now, but promised myself I would be more faithful to my own blog from now on, so I hope you can forgive the little random posts I’ll most likely be leaving.
But, something just occurred to me: I think I actually write better while lying on my stomach. Is that possible? Is there any sort of scientific data to back me up?
Is it possible that more brain juice flows to the cerebral region when I’m in this position?
I’m just asking.
I also write much better in the bedroom than in the living room, probably because there isn’t a t.v. in the bedroom, but don’t think I haven’t considered playing my new Firefly or Battlestar dvds on this computer in a little box while I “work.”

Did I lend this to you? Did you steal it from me?

I’m missing my first season dvds and it’s starting to really tick me off. I’ve looked everywhere and have on more than one occassion over the past week “gotten teary” in its absense.

Please help. If you find her, please let her know that her family misses her and loves her and just wants her to come back home.

UPDATE: The puss-factory otherwise known as the FOX News channel has had all clips of this interview totally removed from the internet. I haven’t checked to see if it’s available at the actual FOX channel yet and I’m not even sure I want to give their site a hit, by checking it out. If you missed it…I’m really sorry. Hopefully, someone will put it up again soon…or I’ll try to get my hands on a transcript, though it won’t be half as enjoyable without getting to see Clinton get tappy on Chris Wallace’s lap.
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Last night’s return of America’s Next Top Model did not disappoint. Nearly all of the contestants are revolting; ranging somewhere between physically disgusting and personality challenged (i.e. fucking annoying, like, if she flashes that “goat” sign one more time I’m going to hunt her down and pluck out her squinty eyes and kick her down a flight of stairs type annoying). Tyra is more drag than ever. Her wig. Jesus. Christ. And Lars and I are in debate as to whether there is anyone left in her entourage who will tell her, “No.” Like, “Ya know, Ty Ty…your ‘diva’ impersonation is a little embarrassing and totally unnecessary…I mean, these other girls are here to make fools of themselves, so you don’t have to…I’m just saying.”
All and all, I’m terribly excited for the season…not that the CW gave us any hints, forgoing the usual, “THIS SEASON ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…” preview at the end of the episode.
One of the girls is from my home town…it will take me like three weeks to start remembering all of their names, so forgive me for calling her “the Indian girl.”
HOMESTEAD!! WHaaaaaat!! I wonder if the folks down there are still down with O.P.P.

I’ll admit it, for about 13 minutes in 1996 I had a really big crush on Ben Affleck and perhaps it was the embarrassment of that crush that led me to refer to him as either “Asslick” or “AFLACK!!” (like the insurance duck) for close to 8 years now…but, I’m just going to say that brother be looking fiiiiine on the Daily Show tonight.
Am I gross?
I enjoy so much how girls can turn on their crushes…if Donnie Wahlberg only knew what I called him after the New Kids starting going by N.K.O.T.B.