a more “family friendly” post.
Last night I dreamt that I was moving into a hotel and the lady at the front dest kept asking me what I wanted for Breakfast. I didn’t hesitate and told her, “Eggs benedict, please, with home fries, heavy on the sauce.”
She said she would bring it right up.
I wish that dream was real.
*deleted* (Sorry) You’ll just have to ask me for my free advice if you want it.
For Christmas we got to dogsit for Kelly and Shannon’s miniature Pomeranian, Snickers. She’s part angelic, baby bear and part total bad ass….we love her, she’s our kind of bitch.
We were a little worried at first because Walter hasn’t been very well socialized with other dogs and he tends to start shit when he sees them. The first few introductions were okay….there were some rumbles, some scuffles, but thankfully no bloodshed.
When Kelly and Shannon brought her over on Christmas Eve, things started out a bit rough, but five minutes after they left, Snickers made herself right at home.
Walter completely fell in crazy David Letterman stalker type love with her. He followed her wherever she went, staring intently. “I love you. No one will EVER love you the way I love you.”
Because Snickers is a typical girl, it was clear that she fell for Stanley’s more “I could give a fuck about you, bitch” type attitude. She followed him around, trying to straighten his tail. (Girls are always trying to change you).
Not your typical Christmas love triangle.
Now that she’s gone, I think our dogs have decided to gay out Brokeback Mountain style. Last night they wouldn’t stop tongue lashing each other like porno lesbians. Walter tried to mount Stanley about 37 times, but when Stanley started licking Walter’s dong…I had a put an end to it.
I absolutly command you to go here and feel the pain.
Oh how I love you.
Firefly Chinese translations.
The last time I got glasses, my eye doctor was totally off his shit. He just found out that his dad had died and was getting ready to leave for the day, but I was already there. The exam was all kinds of awkward and I don’t think he was really on top of his game. This time was different. I feel like I have super-hero x-ray vision. All the better to watch Project Runway with.
For the sake of anonymity we’ll call him Schlyan Schlackson Schletzer. About a year ago, I was sick on the couch and Lars was doing his typical rapid channel surf when he stumbled upon one of the most unintentionally hilarious things ever broadcast on television. It was called Schleices of the Schwind [sic]. The film is a series of highlights from S.S.S.’s 20 year career singing crappy songs on various Utah stages. The levels of vanity and hubris desplayed by someone so clearly lacking in any sort of talent is almost R. Kelly like in proportion. It is Salt Lake’s very own, Trapped in the Closet…. and yes, it’s really that funny.
Because the cosmos is funny, this guy just happened to show up at my office today, to hock his crap at my boss….and the best news of all is that he bought it. 129 dollars worth of pure comedy gold.
This is only one of 12 photos he sent me of his new model airplane.
Now, if that isn’t awesome and didn’t make my whole day, then I just don’t know what.
(That’s his dog, Rhett who happens to be Stan and Walt’s uncle).
Ang and I played in Provo Friday night. It was fuckink freezink, but sort of fun. Ned’s band played first. I really, in ways indescribable, enjoyed them a lot.
We went second and it was kind of weird. I felt like we really sucked, but really rocked.
To quote Lars, “You guys sounded fucking awesome when you weren’t fucking it up. Like you were really ‘in the pocket’ when you weren’t out of the pocket.’”
I married him, cos that shit makes sense to me.
Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends.
Welcome to the 2005 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends!
You know the drill. Copy (do not forward) and change the answers to your answers. This won’t take long.
Be sure to send back to the person who sent it to you.
Enjoy!! Everyone has time for a few moments of fun! Don’t be a party pooper!!!
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate! (chicken of the sea, Hot Chocolate! cos you eat poop and pee…come on baby, do you do more than stuff….Hot Chocolate! Hot Chocolate!)
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa always wrapped my presents unless they were too big.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I like white lights but Lars likes colored lights, so we have both.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? no
5. When do you put your decorations up? Well, there’s a bit of debate about this in the Medley house. I would like to do it earlier, but Lars likes to wait until like the week before Christmas. We still don’t have a tree this year, which is making me think it actually might not happen and that makes me sad.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? I like turkey and pot roasts and mashed potatoes…all the comfort foods.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Um, ya know…I, sadly have a lot of crappy holiday memories from my childhood. Christmas pretty much always made my parents fight. In fact, one of my crappiest memories of all time happened on Christmas….I won’t go into it, but a lot of it’s on video.
I think one of my best Christmas memories was my first Christmas living with Lars. We were so proud of our tree we took like 900 pictures of it…and he gave me the First two seasons of Buffy on DVD…that was a good one.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I honestly don’t remember. I do remember that I thought I saw Santa flying with his sleigh once (I think my parents gave me some PCP or something) and that really created a lot of denial when people tried to convince me that he wasn’t real.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We usually open one gift on Christmas Eve, yeah
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Uh, with lights and ornaments and crap….and a wooden star that I looove.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I love it when I’m home and don’t have to go anywhere. I don’t love walking to the bus stop in it.
12. Can you ice skate?
I could when I was little, but I’d fall flat on my fat ass if I tried it now, I’m sure.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Uh, Jesus Christ Superstar on CD….my Cher head.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? SHOPPING!!! No, just kidding. I love being home and eating and talking with my family.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? PIE. I really love pumkin pie, but I’m kind of sick of it, cos Lars made like 12 over Thanksgiving. I really want Chocolate Pie.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Hanging with my family and eating. (Are you noticing an “eating” trend? I really like the “Terrible movie marathon” thing that Doug started. (The Olson twins are usually involved…it’s ugly).
17. What tops your tree? A wooden star made of woven branches
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? giving… at least once I’ve figured out what to give. I hate the stress though, sometimes of the the “figuring” part… but, I love giving folks stuff.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Elvis’ Blue Christmas, White Christmas…my mom’s version that goes, “I’ll have a pink and purple polka dotted Christmas…”
I hate the song Jingle Bell Rock, but I have a fond memory of tormenting Tawnya with it, by singing, “THAT’S THE JINGLE BELL! THAT’S THE JINGLE BELL!! THAT’S THE JINGLE BELL” over and over again like a broken record.
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
I really like candy canes…. but the “banana” flavored ones and for that matter any candy canes that aren’t peppermint can go right to hell.
” You know what i thought was kind of funny. he masterbates but you know when you finish theres usually something that ejaculates out. DId norman just shoot it on the wall and leave? Where did the seaman go??? “
|
