Lateshoes

See Tawnya and Tracy show their school spirit at work.

Well, it’s official…I am a homeowner. Let the moving and the home improvements begin!!

Everything is pretty much packed up…so packed up that I had to unpack a box to find a panty-liner this morning. I’ve been reduced to a scavenger in my own home.
On Saturday, Tawnya, Shannon, Karin & Angie came over to the “new house” to help me clean it. I can’t even begin to describe the filth. By the time Dan, Paula and the kids got there to help us clean out the fridge, I had already lost any sense of pride. Shannon and I were scraping, what we concluded was rotting egg yolk with our bare fingernails. I’ve decided to nominate Karin for sainthood after she cleaned a mouse’s nest (and toilet) out of my range hood. Yep, a NEST….and TOILET. *shudder*
We also discovered that our toilet (not the mouse’s) leaks in two places, there’s a hole in the wall behind the kitchen sink and the kitchen faucet stopped working altogether.
Despite all of these new flaws the house looks positively livable now. It definitely needs paint and (even after the Bisselling I did) new flooring, but…it’s a house that a semi-insane O.C.D. haver could almost live in comfortably.
Tomorrow Lars and I will own this house and it’s kind of freaking me out. It’s so grown up and scary, but I have learned one thing : I have AMAZING friends who were willing to give up their Saturday to clean up someone else’s filth with me. I’ve been beaming with love for them all weekend.
Thanks dudes.

Packing blows. We’ve got all of our books and movies packed, which would be really impressive if we didn’t have tons more shit just waiting to be chucked into a box. How is it humanly possible to have so much crap?

Luckily, I have wonderful friends that have all offered to help. I love you dudes.

Speaking of which it’s Angie’s birthday today, so let’s all wish her a happy birthday.

In other news, I really have to confess my current addiction to Dannon’s “Carb Control” yogurt smoothies. I’m not proud or anything, I just needed to tell someone because clearly Splenda has crack in it and research must be done. It’s okay though, I’m counteracting it with a cappuccino coffee drink from Starbucks, which I think has enough sugar to power a nuclear reactor, if indeed nuclear reactors were powered by sugar.

Why can’t anyone make a decent pair of underwear??!!!

Seriously! Is the female form so enigmatic?

Bikini briefs are almost perfect except for the way the band cuts right in the middle of my tummy fat and therefore, at will, rolls down beneath my tummy fat. This is never a good feeling folks.

Then there’s the “high cut brief,” which sits nicely on my belly but, for some reason they make the ass-seat big enough for two of me so the band ends up somewhere in the middle of my back. What. The. Fuck?

Our offer was accepted and now Lars and I have to move in two and a half weeks, so…yeah, I’m a frigging (fracking) ball of stress right now and I think I might puke, but I’ll be a home-owning puker. So there.

Two things before I go off to start packing and not stop for two weeks:

Battlestar Galactica FUCKING RULES, you guys. And yes, I know that I’m a total space drama geek, so it’s hard to take my opinion about this shit seriously…but, I’m telling you, it’s amazingly good. I’m freaking out that we might have to give up cable (with a mortgage payment and all) mostly because of this show. Gaius rules!

&

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds new double disc Jeezy effing Creezy…this record is good!!

I command that you watch the “Nature Boy” video from the website! COMMAND it! That’s a direct order from your Cag, bitches! If it doesn’t make you tap your foot and bop your head than you’re a commie fracking cylon!

What? I said I was a geek.

“Britney’s musical intensity and her evolution from a teen renegade into a provocative young woman are undeniable throughout “In The Zone,” her fourth Jive Records collection.”

Teen “renegade???” I’m speechless.

That makes twice in two days. Yesterday I saw Hootie’s new Burger King spot with the strippers.

Dear fans,

I’ve been like doing a lot of reading lately, mainly on my homegirl, Britney’s personal web site. She’s so wise and stuff and I’ve learned all about ab-crunches and Kabbalah and I swear it’s like we’re soul sisters or something, cuz like she just bought a house and I’m buying a house…and like she just got married and like I’m getting married and stuff. I just feel really close to her right now.

Britney, stay strong girl!! Ignore those haters who say that your husband looks a little like he rubbed a pube-filled drainage clog all over his face. You ignore them girl!!

I think I’m going to get a spray-on tan today in your honor…you know, just to spread some good vibes your way.

I realized there was a problem when I listed two of his favorite toys: pink sock & blue ball.
Wait…didn’t I say I was growing up??
Oh well. Frack it!

You thought I was kidding about this bullshit, didn’t you??

Yes, it’s true. I’m officially an adult. Lars and I made an offer on this house last night. It has a great yard and lots of potential. (Let’s just say that the inside looks a little like a dindgy, white t-shirt you could buy at Thriftown for 89 cents). With a lot of work and cash (start donating now) we could have a very cool house of our own. No more asshole parties raging beneath our boring little feet. No more bitchy letters from landlords. We’ll be our very own lords or our very own land.