Lateshoes

1. My laptop made a funny noise, froze and then completely died while I was in the middle of burning the best mix cd of all time. It won’t turn back on.
2. My dog pulled a pee-ball out of the cat box and dragged kitty-litter all over the living room. Then he ate it.
3. I locked myself out of the apartment without my breakfast or my coffee.
4. I missed my bus.
5. My alternate breakfast/ coffee plans were foiled after I walked 15 minutes out of my way to discover the place wasn’t open on Mondays.
6. All of this made me even more late to work than I usually am and I still don’t have any food or coffee.

But, how’s your Monday morning going?

Check out my sweet ride. Once upon a time I was an innocent girl with a giant head, wearing terry cloth shorts. Now I’m a filthy dog castrator… a filthy, filthy dog castrator.

This is the look he gave me when I told him that nice ladies in ugly smocks were going to scoop out his balls today.

You guys!!! PROJECT RUNWAY FINALE!!!!

“uhhhhh, I hate Wendy.” -Jay

Stan is doing fine now. He’s biting really hard and being annoying just as he should. *shwoo*

I got him a cheese burger for lunch (to celebrate, duh) and as thanks he bit the shit out of my arm and ripped another whole in my sweatshirt.

Thanks a bunch you little shit.

I just ordered this book, Buff Brides. I swear to god that I won’t start posting my current weight at the beginning of each post or start using the word, “fuckwit” a lot…or begin feigning a British accent for that matter. Ok, I might say fuckwit and British accents are sexy so…
I dunno folks. While taking photos of myself in the mirror sporting various potential wedding hairstyles with an ivory half-slip pulled up over my boobs I realized some things: 1. I have officially reached a truly embarrassing stage in my life and 2. I really want to try and shape up a bit before the big day.
I’ve never been one to obsess over my weight. I’ve always just been chubby. Sometimes I’m okay with it and sometimes I’m not. Over the past 30 years I’ve been called various creative names like; fat, fat ass, fat girl and fatty and I’ve endured comments/ situations like these:

*Yelled at Lars during a traffic altercation*
“Fuck you AND your fat wife!”
*my reply*
“We’re not married!”

*In a review of my band*
“The drummer needs to lay off the twinkies.”

*On a former friend’s blog*
“She really is fat now.”

*At the grocery store I am the subject of a “Hey, it’s your girlfriend” joke between friends.*
“Ew, I don’t do fat chicks.”

*And perhaps the most painful, from my dad.*
“Why do you even bother wearing make-up if you’re going to be fat?”

The kicker is, I’m not really that fat and here’s the thing: those comments might ding my self esteem, sure…how could they not? But, I’m okay with myself and I think that’s what pisses these people off the most. Folks really hate a confident fat girl.
Perhaps it’s the being ok with myself bit that makes me want to attempt a healthier lifestyle. I mean, I know that contrary to the popular belief about us chubbs, I’m not holed up in a lair like fucking Jaba, being fed by a rat through a tube (though I’m not opposed to this arrangement in the future).

I’m having a bad day. Stan peed an unusual amount of times yesterday and now I’m spazzing out wondering if he has kidney failure or diabetes or something. (Too much ER will do this to a person). I called the vet and he’s going in on Thursday to get his 3rd booster shots, so they’ll check him out then.

His pee was clear and he seemed really lazy last night and this morning. He didn’t even annoy me while I was putting my make-up on.

I realize that I’m paranoid and he’s most likely fine, but I LOVE HIM so I can’t help myself.

I woke up about 15 times last night just to make sure he was still breathing.

I’m never having kids.

Would it kill you to use a fucking turn signal?

Sincerely,

Tracy M. Brewer

[Marital Status] affianced or betrothed, if you prefer
[Shoe size] 6.5
[Parents still together] nope
[Siblings] Will and Katie
[Pets] Io, Nada & Klaus (the kitties) & Stanley (the puppy)

FAVORITES….
[Color] red, red, yellow, yellow, orange and green
[Number] 10…or 22
[Animal] next to cats and dogs, I’d say monkeys
[Drinks] water and that Strawberry Shortcake drink at the Spagooey Factory
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] oh, plenty of times
[Stolen anything?] yeah
[Held a gun] yeah
[Soda] diet dr. pepper, motherfuckers better step!
[Book] I just re-read Sarah Vowell’s “Take the Canolli” and I laughed a lot, so I’ll say that.[Flower] Star-gazer lillies

DO YOU…
[Color your hair?] nope, though I’m considering highlights
[Twirl your hair?] uh, no
[Have tattoos?] nope
[Have Piercings?] boring ear piercings
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] I have a suiter, he’s bona fide!
[Cheat on tests/homework?] not that I recall, no.
[Drink/Smoke?] a little a this and that/ no
[Like roller coasters?] sure
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] sure, sometimes.
[Want more piercings?] not really
[Like cleaning?] I like the part when it’s all done
[Write in cursive or print?] a little bit of both
[Sweat a lot?] not really
[Own a web cam?] nope
[Know how to drive?] yeah, but I can’t find anything
[Diet?] nope
[Own a cell phone?] nope
[Ever get off the damn computer?] what are ya gonna do.

HAVE U EVER …
[Been in a fist fight?] yes.
[Been so drunk you forgot what happened the night before?] nope
[Considered a life of crime?] nope
[Considered being a hooker?] no (this survey is getting on my nerves though and someone in my office smells like lunch meat)
[Lied to someone?] sure
[Been in love?] yes
[Fallen for your best friend?] yes.
[Made out with JUST a friend?] no…because that’s bullshit. If someone’s tongue is in my mouth, we have officially crossed the “just friends” threshold.
[Been rejected?] constantly
[Been in lust?] When you cut me, do I not bleed?
[Used someone] not intentionally
[Been used?] HA!
[Been cheated on?] yep
[Been kissed?] oh, never. huh uh.

CURRENTS …
[Current clothing] Gatorland t-shirt, denim skirt with embroidery, black tights, black shoes, black hoodie.
[Current mood] kinda bored, kinda guilty for being so bored, kinda anxious
[Current taste] lunch meat. thanks olfactory system
[What you currently smell like] like this fancy “Dregs” perfume that Elena sent me and Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea hand lotion.
[Current hair] wet-ish and stupid
[Current thing I ought to be doing] working, probably.
[Current cds in stereo] The Dears
[Current crush] Lars and Stanley
[Last book you read] I don’t read books anymore, just wedding magazines…ALL OF THEM
[Last movie you saw] Alien: Resurrection… ya know… deh..nevermind
[Last thing you ate] breakfast bar that lars made (peanut butter+ honey+ oats +raisin bran = yummy)
[Last person you talked to on the phone] The pharmacy answering machine

DO YOU…
[Do drugs?] no
[Believe there is life on other planets?] why not?
[Remember your first love?] I guess this would be Scott Colton AKA Alien Head
[Still love him/her?] (it) fuck that asshole!
[Read the newspaper?] the New York Times online, bitch!
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] sure….I have black friends too.
[Believe in miracles?] only when Della Reese is around
[Do well in school?] what are you gonna do.
[Wear hats] I guess. Sometimes…is this really an important thing to know about a person?
[Hate yourself?] Hate is a very strong word, but I extremely disklike myself sometimes.
[Have an obsession?] ER reruns. I’m really embarrassed about it actually…but, I fucking tape it, you guys. I tape TNT reruns of ER and then I watch them. There, I’ve said it.
[Have a secret crush?] nope
[Collect anything?] lots of crap
[Have a best friend?] a few
[Close friends?] a handful
[Like your handwriting?] it’s crap.
[Care about looks] Like, my own or other peoples? You’re fugly, survey!!

LOVE LIFE….
[First crush] Kevin Walcott
[First kiss] Travis Saban
[Single or attached?] very attached
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] I believe there can be a certain engery between two folks at first site that could eventually develop into love
[Do you believe in "the one?"] I belieeeeve in life after love, after love, after love”
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] no, god…you’re realy pissing me off survey
[Are you a tease?] yep, a total cock-tease, since you asked
[Shy to make the first move?] not with all my cock-teasing and shit.

ARE U A…
[Wuss] totally
[Druggy] no, and like I’d tell you anyway
[Daydreamer] totally
[Freak] yes
[Dork] oh yes.
[Bitch/Asshole] I’m more of an asshole, but thanks for the gendered options
[Sarcastic] to an annoying point
[Angel] is fucking sweet and I’m totally going to buy season 5 when I get paid.
[Devil] right there, on the tip of my shoe
[Shy] painfully so
[Talkative] with certain people
[Flirty] *bats eyelashes* *giggles* tee hee

For those who don’t know, I DJ a local, indie rock radio show on KRCL called, Kickin’ Judy! with my friend, Angie. We’ve been thinking about quitting in August, which would make our run on the show exactly 4 years. While DJ-ing might seem glamorous, try giving up every Saturday night of your life for 4 years.

As I think about letting it go, I can’t help but laugh at all the goods & bads of small-scale, local celebrity.

The goods:

*People bring you ding dongs when you ask them to.

*People bring you pizza when you ask them to. (The power of radio is a wonderful thing).

*Scoring occasional free CD’s and tickets

*Having people call up and say that we’ve made their night by playing a certain song or telling a certain story.

*Having those nights where everything is “on.” We’re funny, the music is great, etc…

The bads:

*Getting stuck with the occasional free CD’s and tickets

*Having people call up and say things like: “you’re fat,” “you suck,” “you talk too much,” “you’re ugly.”

*Having to make small talk with weird, old, drunk guys who think they know you because they know all about your dog and your love life because you can’t keep your fat mouth shut.

*People calling in and going, “Heeeey!, it’s [generic name]!” So that you have to pretend to recognize their voice. This is a great stalker trick, because by the time you realize you have no fucking idea who you’re talking to, they’ve already engaged you in 15 minutes of bloody chit-chat.

*The having to stay up so late. I’m 30 years old, people and I value my sleep.

*Having that awkward as ass night where we can’t think of anything interesting to say.

*Giving up my Saturday night.